It was very therapeutic.

Well, today I went to Dane's house and I guess I didn't get the memo. We weren't going to go to work today. There was a change of plans. Oh well. I was there and I had no where to go but home. Tara was still kinda in trouble... crap. Well, I feel responsible like I should have said, "Don't forget to tell your mom that I'm coming over!" Alas, I did not. So as a result, I was not permitted to inhabit Tara's front yard. All was not lost today. While at Dane's house, I wondered into Cara's room as I often do. This time instead of us picking on eachother, it was a nice one of our "every-so-often" convos about all the crap that has been happening in our lives. She talked about how Kyle is a damn sissy bitch. That was my choice of words, though what she said all pointed to that conclusion. He seems very immature and whiny. She always complains that he is whiny, moody and just a fricken baby. Oh well, I told her my part. I just told her that if she ever needed me to "take care" of him, I would. Just cause its her. I'm not normally a hitman for hire, though I do do favors for friends. She talked about him and their issues, I talked about whatever residual issues I have lingering in my closet of a head. I talked about things from the shittyness of life in general, to the perks *Tara*, to the people who are out to steal dreams, souls, hearts and others just to crush you *Cris*, and things that I miss and need. It was good to talk to someone about all this crap. I didn't want to dump all this crap that is "ME" unto Tara. I fear that she wouldn't be able to balance the weight of my crap with the burden of whatever issues she has. Not that I know of any, though I have my theories. Yeah, it was just what the Dr. Ordered... Dr. Pepper!! You make the world taste better. Yeah. Sorry. Just a remeniscient. Is that spelled right? Fuck it. This is my journal. I will be illiterate if I choose to be. Yeah, I loathe talking to my dad about people. Tara is one of them. He always refers to her as "The girl that was holding Julia's hand and skipping on registeration day?" It reall pisses me off. But eventually, the convo is gonna come up. It can't be avoided forever. After a while, he's going to threaten my time with her by asking Q's that I must answer if I want to be with her. He thinks he's soooo sneaky. He's not. Oh, well. She's great, screw those who don't see it.Geez, he's soooo nosey. He must watch me. I said that I was walking with Tara *reference to 3-4 period* and he thought I meant in the morning when I walked with Katie to the snack bar. He was all, "So, who's the blondie you were hanging out with?" It made me mad that he doesn't care to know until its too late. Yeah, thanks for the support AFTER my world crumbled to pieces and now I try to rebuild. I don't have plans for a Roman Empire, though plans can change in favorable conditions. Thats all I yearn to say. So long my audience of none... so I believe.

Tara rocks my socks

Well, today was nice and slow. I realize that everything today was nice and slow. I think it was specially set up for me today. I woke up all pathetic. I felt tired and shit. I just wanted to be a farm animal today. I wanted to lay in the sun and be lazy. At school, the world was slooowwww motion. Class dragged on for-EVER. I had to listen to Captain Jack ramble on about Pearl Harbor. Sooo, lame. I even bumped heads with 'im. I challenged Captain Jack. It was a near mutiny. I guess I can call myself Barboso now. I sat with Tara of course. Things are nice and slow between us. I like that. While I live for affection, its a nice change of speed. I think she's so über cool. I like talking to her. We just talk about total crap. We talk about things that get nothing done and have no purpose. I love that. I hated it when I couldn't talk about anything but important things. Things with Tara are stress free and they just fall together. I enjoy her presence. She's a very calming person and when she's hanging out with me, I feel content. I hope things stay this simple, nice and good. I can't type a whole lot. My fingers are sore and shit.

Yup.

Well, I couldn't update yesterday and crap cuz my dad is a Net-Miser and he swears that when I get online, I talk to some 49 year old man who lives in a basement in Jersey.He always says crap like,"Stop talking to that 17 year old girl in japan, its really a dirty old man pretending!" He doesn't grasp the concept that its possible to talk to people you actually know. I guess he hasn't heard of profiles and email addresses. Anyway, today was the first school day that Tara and I were actually together. It was nice, yet we didn't get much time ot hang out. I had to leave lunch early, as usual I guess. I hate that my dad won't let me stay for the gawd damm 40 minutes of lunch. I go to work for at least 4 hours after four hours of school. On some days, I even work 8 hours after school. I pleaded with him to let me stay, but he said "Grow UP!!" I told him that I really don't have to, not yet at least. I am a fuckin' senior and I get treated like I'm a damn person that only has to work. It sucks. My Senior-goodtime-kickback yearis being ruined by his attitude. Fuck it. Whatever. That was my daily dad rant, I'm better now. So, Tara looked really cute today... as usual I guess. I hate that I fricken pale in comparison. I wish I was as attractive as she is. I bet people look at us together and say, "What's that cute girl doing with that fat, bald beaner. But oh well, I'll just have to do something about that. Maybe if I exercise more. That could make more "cuter-er-er-er", but probably not. I am content though. As long as she likes me. But that raises another question. Why does she like me? This will plague my thoughts for a while. Eventually I'll get bored though. So yeah.I don't know if she's shy, not used to Public Displays of affection or what, but its ok. I think its cute. People just need time. Especially newbies. So, ok for now.

Oh well...

Tara's parents *cauMOMgh* refused to let her go anywhere tonight cuz it was too late. I don't even know Ty, yet she seems like she's a very crazy insecure woman. From what I'm told, her mom was a terrible mother, so she is trying to overcompensate by being TOO there for Tara. She wants to be involved with Tara's life, but she makes herself more of a nuisance than a pillar of wisdom or comfort. Oh well. I tried to see if Zach could go anywhere tonight, though his parents were the same... no dice. So, those are the problems with having younger friends. They are often more caged or restricted than yours truly. Geez. I have hopes that her mom will let her come to my house tomorrow for a party para mi prima. Los padres de ella no tienen dinero por su fiesta de compleaños. So, we decided to put one on for her. It should be cool. We'll see what happens mañana though. Thats as far as my hopes go... tomorrow. I must retire to my peach world, crap. I am a god among insects, no one will ever tell me different